‘killing the buddha’ here reminds me of a novel i’ve liked very much; maybe you would too? mark salzman’s “The Soloist.” the main character is, among other conflicts, placed on the jury in a murder trial of a zen student who took his master’s admonition at face value when instructed to ‘kill the buddha.’ seeking perfection, he kills his teacher… several plot threads involve a search and longing for perfection. with predictable and less predictable results– as you can well imagine, having lived the writing of _your_ book.

best wishes.